Understanding and Dealing with Your Child's Anger

Don't Prohibit Your Children from Getting Angry

  • It is not uncommon for adults to feel frustrated and even angry, especially when facing failures, dissatisfaction, or unfairness; children who encounter these situations may also experience similar emotions
  • Just like happiness, anxiety, and sadness, anger is the most basic and natural human emotional response
  • The appropriate level of anger can drive people to maintain self-esteem and protect themselves from harm; parents don't need to prohibit their children from getting angry
  • However, when anger persists, or when it causes your children to attack others, hurt themselves, cause troubles, or prevents your children from building interpersonal relationships, it is important to address it immediately and get help early

Help Children Cope with Anger

1 Control Your Emotions

  • Calm yourself down first before you can help your children to stay calm

2 Leave the Environment

  • Encourage your children to stay away from the conflicts to prevent them from acting impulsively due to anger

3 Calm Children Down

  • Guide your children to choose ways to calm their emotions (e.g., doing exercise, taking a shower, listening to soft music, doing crafts)
  • Ask your children to repeat "re-lax" in their mind with slow deep breaths, to prompt themselves to relax

4 Listen Attentively

  • Listen to your children without criticism
  • Express empathy (e.g., "You feel you are being treated unfairly, so you are angry")

5 Communicate at the Right Time

  • People usually cannot think calmly when they are angry. Therefore, parents should not be too upset about your children's inappropriate language that blurted out in anger
  • The best time to communicate with your children is to wait until they have calmed down

6 Guided Thinking

  • Guide your child to express their needs (e.g., need for personal space)
  • Encourage your child to list different solutions to meet their needs
  • Guide your child to evaluate the possible pros and cons of different solutions, and to choose an appropriate one among them

7 Be a Good Role Model

  • Parents should set the example of "talking slowly, not easily getting angry" for children to follow


Department of Health / Student Health Service <Parenting Tips Series>

October 2022