Aware of the Mutually Reinforcing Trap

When conflict occurs, what is your conflict response style?

Pursuer
When we…
  • Feel anxious and insecure
  • Eager to get closer
  • Eager to talk things out

The other side may feel…
  • Suffocated and seek distance from us.

Blamer
When we…
  • Flare up and argue
  • “I am right, you are wrong”
  • Try to change another side

The other side may feel…
  • Humiliated and want to fight back.

Distancer
When we…
  • Don’t open up
  • Seek emotional distance and physical space when stress is high

The other side may feel…
  • Being rejected and desperate.

Overfunctioner
When we…
  • Too quick to advise and help the other out
    “I know what is best for you”
    “My idea is better than yours”

The other side may feel…
  • Lost of autonomy and want to resist or give up.

Good parent-teen relationship ≠ No disagreement

Courageous acts of change may help break the mutually reinforcing trap

Parent-teen Mental Wellneess
Joyful@HK
Student Health Service
Department of Health