Shall We Talk? Tips of Talking Skills

 

With good conversational skills and positive attitude, you can provide care and encouragement to people with emotional distress. To effectively comfort others without forcing a conversation, you can refer to the following tips on improving conversational skills.

 

Try not to: Give advice to others in an authoritative, commanding or belittling manner or tone.

  • “You should…”
  • “You need to…”
  • “No matter what, you're still…”

 

Try to: Give advice as a peer.

  • “I'd suggest you to try…”
  • “If you think it's appropriate, why not…”
  • “Would you like to know what I think?”

 

Try not to: Adopt a problem solving, logical or solely rational approach too soon when reacting to others' emotional distress.

  • “It's pointless to be so disappointed.”
  • “Just go and ease your mind if you feel unhappy.”
  • “Just ignore him/her if he/she keeps bothering you.”
  • “Stress is inevitable in life. No one can run away from it.”

 

Try to: Show empathy and put yourself in others' shoes. Sum up the feelings behind their words.

  • “So you feel disappointed and discouraged."
  • “You're unhappy and in no mood for fun.”
  • “You're distressed because you think he/she keeps bothering you.”
  • “Even though you seem to have get used to it, you still feel stressed.”

 

Try not to: Abruptly end or change the topic to lighten the mood, simply because you are stressed by the silence in conversation or the sensitivity of the topic.

  • “The more we speak about it, the sadder you've become. Just forget it.”
  • “Don't dwell on such unpleasant things. Let's talk about…”

 

Try to: Wait patiently and keep quiet. Give time to others until they are ready to talk.

  • Sometimes, silence is better than words. You can make use of body language if others deem it to be acceptable.
    • If the situation is appropriate, look into others’ eyes to show that you are there for them.
    • Pat someone on the shoulder to show your support.

 

Try not to: Push others to talk when they are not yet ready.

  • “Hurry up, just say it and let me know.”
  • “Don't stumble. Just say it!”
  • “If you don't talk about it, I can't help you.”

 

Try to: Show understanding and respect if you note that the other party is not willing to talk at the moment. Leave the door open for conversation at a later time.

  • “It seems that you don't want to talk about that right now. I'll respect your wish.”
  • “Please feel free to talk to me if you think the time is appropriate.”

 

Try not to: Offer senseless consolation.

  • “Relax. Things will be fine.”
  • “You can surely work it out. No worry.”

 

Try to: Be objective and optimistic. Bring hope to others.

  • “Many things are still uncertain. The worst may not happen after all.”
  • “I find it difficult as well. I really hope you can make it through.”
  • “We haven't figured out a solution yet, but we can keep thinking or get help from others.”

 

Conversation is an ongoing process that allows us to interact with others. You can use the above tips in a flexible way to offer timely support and comfort to people in distress.

 

In case of a crisis that calls for immediate action, please call 999 for emergency services.

 

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Produced in 2020